A dark tale of some more mangoes


Remember the mango that eluded its cheesecake experience and instead just ended up getting its life sucked out? It was playing over and over in my head - a buzzing head with a salivating mouth. And a lusting soul. Soon, a month or two after, I finally got to unleash it on two very juicy mangoes. A quiet midnight on one of those days of the mango abundance, I did. The torturer's lust is unlike anything.  As I made my way into the kitchen that midnight I was already full of this overpowering lust; merely fantasizing about what I would be doing to her made me weak yet so fierce. I did not bake her whole like last time, instead, got out my mini muffin torture pan and wonton sheets. I made the wrappers sit cozy in each cup of the pan, poured her in and waited for her to come out - all baked to perfection for me. Just me. After the deep-fried love making with the vanilla bean cheesecake, I wanted to try out a different way tonight for my gorgeous mango cheesecake. She comes out just perfect as expected from the oven. I mean, it's almost like she was doing all this for me. The glorious folds of the wonton wrappers that were hugging her tight had turned very light brown and crispy. She was in them, kissing the wall-like arms of the wrappers. How do you not go weak?

I was going to make her go through sweet sweet torture. So I took one cheesecake cup warmly embraced in crispy wonton wrap, brought her to my nose, took a sniff of the baked mango holiness, said a decent prayer, stopped myself from being tempted to bite in, sniffed her again, got aroused, and slowly dipped her in hot oil. Some of the oil sneaked in and caressed her sunny body, browning the edges that touched the wontons.

As always, it's about elevating the experience. It's part of the torture, which is part of the worship. While she was lounging in my sugar rimmed martini glass, I bathed her in pureed mango. And the gloss on her lips was chocolate sauce drizzled over. Torture meets pleasure? Sire, torture IS pleasure.

The rest of her went into a bread loaf pan and was baked into a thin slab of mango cheesecake. Just for the delight of cutting into her and slicing long and thin pieces of cheesecake. As the mango and cream cheese danced their best waltz together making babies and warm smells that filled up the kitchen, I tuned into some disco.

And then I went off to sleep for a bit, still dreaming of her. I could not wait to see how she would look in the morning, fresh and bathed in sunshine. And trust me, she's just anytime-gorgeous. The goth that was me woke up with smudged kohl all around my eyes and hair totally ambushed like I was massively attacked by three fighting bulls in my dreams. One of my eyes didn't even open properly. Yet there she was, just like I saw her yesterday. Why do you kill me like this girl?

As usual, I cut off a slice for breakfast. I did not know whether to tear her apart mercilessly, or move the blades through her insides gently. I was so lost. And then I decided on the latter, just because she had already made my knees and arms go all wobbly. For all the nights we have had together - nothing else matters, really. 

No talking now. You can watch...

... but you better not touch.

The cheesy cheesecake song, from Sister Sledge. Called He's the greatest dancer. 

Kinky Mango Cheesecake 

  • 300 g cream cheese 
  • 3/4 cup plus 1 tablespoons sugar [depending on your preferences]
  • 2 large eggs
  • 1 cup sour cream
  • 1 tablespoon all-purpose flour
  • 1  tablespoon cornstarch
  • 1/2 teaspoon vanilla
  • 2 tablespoons lemon juice  
  • Zest from a lemon
  • 2 ripe mangoes - peeled and pitted. Dice it or slice it/Puree it. 
  • Wonton wrappers

Preheat oven to 160 Degrees C. 

Beat your cream cheese until fluffy and mix in the sugar until well blended in. Add the eggs one at a time just until incorporated. At this point I keep aside my electric beater/mixer and use my hand whisk. Sift in flour and corn starch, blend it in. Add sour cream, vanilla, lemon zest and juice until smooth. Scrape down the sides at intervals! Now, mix in the mango - diced, sliced or pureed. Brush muffin cups with butter. Polish the corners of the wonton wrappers with an egg wash and press a wrapper into each cup. Spoon cheesecake mix into each cup, bake for 20 minutes until set. Keep them in the oven for another 10 minutes. Take out and cool them on a rack before removing from the tin.

After this, what you do is up to you. If you want to eat them, do. Or perhaps fry them like I did and eat it extra crispy.  If you are skipping the frying part, you could just drizzle mango puree and chocolate sauce over them.

This is just me being sick.